If you want your child socialized… is a little older, but is by far the most popular post I have had (not counting the coverage of the Busekros case). I thought of it today because we are about to embark on a 15 hour journey…not counting stops. If that amount of time sitting elbow to elbow with your siblings does not develop your abilities at getting along with others, I don’t know what will.
If you want your child socialized, you will have to send him to school. While he is getting ready, you’ll have to pack his lunch.
When he gets to school, the children will probably stare at him because he isn’t wearing the same brand of jeans.
Math will probably be review for him, so he’ll know all the answers. The children will call him “calculator” and the teacher will give him extra worksheets. He’ll probably learn that it is better to stay quiet and pretend not to know the answer.
Halfway through the morning, he’ll start to get bored. He will probably begin to kick his legs, tip his chair and tap his pencil. The teacher will have to move him to the seat next to her desk. He’ll ask when it will be time for break and she’ll remind him to raise his hand. He’ll raise his hand and she’ll tell him it’s time for silent reading. The children will probably giggle and he will just stare at his book.
Finally, it will be time for lunch. The teacher will remind them to keep their hands at their sides, to stay in line and not to talk. They probably won’t be allowed to talk at lunch, either.
Your son will probably sit next to a girl he recognizes from church. She will smile and another boy will whisper to them. Your son may learn a rhyme or two and possibly some new words. She may blush and he will forget not to talk. He probably will shout. The lunch aide will take him to the office.
While he is in the office, you will probably get a phone call. You will find out your son does not know how to interact with his peers, is a disruptive influence and has difficulty concentrating. They will probably ask you if he has ADHD and recommend you take him to a doctor.
When it is time to pick him up, you will probably find him standing alone. He will tell you school was fine, but will refuse to answer any questions. He’ll probably complain of a stomach ache. He’ll probably have too much homework to have time to play with his friends.
And chances are, if you want him to learn social skills, you’ll have to pull him out of school.
Inspired by that great children’s book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie (in case you didn’t notice).
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“Flowers are Red and Green Leaves are Green, there’s no need to see Flowers any other way than the way they always have been seen” Harry Chapin
A great song on this topic if you’ve never had the chance to listen to it.
I have posed the socialization question, but maybe my choice of words were not fitting. I do not have concerns about my children being polite or conversing with others, etc. My concern has always been about their ability to have a group of close friends.
Growing up, I had several girlfriends who I became friends with in elementary school. We remained friends from that point through high school. My best friend and I spent nearly every weekend together. Our families went on vacations together, so on and so forth.
I wonder if my children will ever have this type of friend. We go to social outtings offerd by the school. My son has no problem playing with the children there, but there interactions are exactly that, interactions. It does not lead to lasting friendship.
I wonder if I am robbing him of overnight parties, backyard camping and a variety of other things he might be doing if he were building relationships with schoolmates on a daily basis.
I know the work we are doing at home is well worth it. I just don’t ever want to see my son on the outside looking in.
(clapping hands) Bravo! I know it’s based on the book, but it’s like a Carnival of Socialization, lol!
Kimberlyn, I sympathize with you. I am still best friends with my best friend from 7th grade. I keep in close contact with my friends from high school.
But do you not remember the negatives from such things? In my case I have no relationship with my brother and sister. I thought my parents were stupid. We snuck out of the slumber parties to go torture a girl we didn’t like. As I got older I used my best friend as a lie to tell my parents when I was really staying out all night.
Life is hard enough. I do not want those things for my children.
Kymberlyn, that is my exact worry as well as my youngest son voices his frustration with a lack of playmates with me on a daily basis, when I see no “real” friend…but then again, when we were in school those friendships were allowed to develop somewhat. Schools have become even more rigid as they become more crowded, more test oriented, more bureaucratic.
Dana, as I read that I sort of sat somewhat frozen as it seemed so eerily as if someone we had a secret camera following around my boys around campus over the last 15 years, especially this youngest one this last year before I pulled him from school.
t.f. ~ I’ll never forget when my oldest was reprimanded for coloring his tree red instead of green in the lower, lower grades. Broke his heart and it wasn’t until I could take him back to Kentucky during fall that I was able to show him that trees could be are are red…and that it didn’t even matter, that if he wanted a red tree a red tree was fine.
And isaiah, I do remember such things!
Sounds just like my pubic school experience. Except I used to have what I called “blackout” migraines… at age 8!
What a crappy life for a kid. Why oh why do parents do it?
Very well written.
*applauds*
Susan