And honestly, “Public school was the worst thing that ever happened to me” might not be the best reason to homeschool. My education decisions should not be based solely on my experiences. Speech team was a great thing for me. I would say most of my education was obtained there. So am I going to force it on my children? Of course not.

It is the same with education, really. We need to look at our goals and our children and decide what the best course is rather than react to something we fear.

No matter what course is chosen, there will always be the allure of another…the path not taken.

It is hard when you do not feel like you can be yourself but instead must conform to a certain standard of behavior.

I think homeschoolers tend to form fewer but deeper friendships.

But I think all of us have certain personality traits which make some aspects of friendship easy for some and challenging for others. While certain situations do make some things more difficult, by and large I believe that we are who we are despite the circumstances. We always look to other people or other circumstances and think of what we are missing (or our children might be missing!). But we do not always consider how much of ourselves we would take with us if the situation were to change. Over the summer, I complained of some feelings of isolation. But would it be different if we lived in a different community? Would it really be all that different in the city.

This was a HUGE issue when I was a family support worker. The first thing that the foster parents wanted to do when they got teenagers was do whatever they could to get them out of their home school district. They looked at their peer group as a tremendous factor in their behavior problems. But kids hang out with kids they like…and if they were to move schools, they would make friends with the same issues. Because wherever we go, we bring ourselves along.

The school may offer some advantages in this area…there are more kids there and you get to spend all day with them. But particularly for children who do not “fit in” this can be a disadvantage as well. Because there is not escape and there is little self-selection of who the peer group will be. If you live further out of town, arranging times for children to play together can be a challenge…but there is also the advantage of being able to help a child develop relationships which are more positive, hopefully leading to greater confidence and the ability to more appropriately navigate peer relationships.

A lot of children may feel like they are on the outside looking in. But I think that may not have as much to do with the environment they are raised in as it does with the recognition that they are unique. I think that we have a greater potential to teach that to our children as homeschoolers (not that unique means superior…just that each child has something special about him that is worthy, even if they do not “fit in.” It can be hard for a child to value that when they just want to be accepted.)

I am struggling with this very issue. My 7 year old is very adult oriented–sometimes this is good and other times it is very nerve wracking, sometimes I am delighted with it and other times very concerned because to a 7 year old a 16 year old is an adult…if you can understand my concern…and is one of the reasons I pulled him off the school bus last year, kept him home from summer camp this year and was even more motivated to homeschool than before.

However, as adult oriented as he is he desperately wants friends around his age as well to “play” with…and this is very limited in our “neighborhood.” In fact, it is limited to two little boys, one of which is a Dennis the Menace times six!

Due to this lack of similar aged friends my son seems very inept at appropriate behavior when visitors come around or should he be in a class in which the adult is not interested in interacting with a “child” in the way my son is engaging him/her.

It is something I am truly at a loss with right now.

Dana, I think I was probably most like you as a public school student. I had some friendships, but wasn’t all that interested in them…thus seemed stand-offish. It was more me than the other children; in fact, I am probably very much the same way today–I have to click with someone on some level of interest and it can’t be the small talk kind of stuff LOL Yes, it makes me seem snobbish, I am well aware.

I did gravitate toward the adults and teachers in my life as a child–I was teased about it by my mother…but some of my best friends were adults and I looked up to them and counted the years until I would older. It wasn’t until I was in middle school (7th and 8th grade) that I became interested in same aged friends–and even then I was interested in the older crowd (high schoolers)and dated the older boys once in high school.

Heck, even my husband is 14 years older than I LOL So maybe my son is much the same as I and I need to look at that more…I just fear that he will miss so much of being carefree and innocent and childlike, and that he may be outside looking in…someday as he looks back.

Hopefully over time, you will see some of those sentiments around you dissipate. It is difficult for any community to accept change and new ideas. It is difficult to step out and try to make those contacts from both sides…both as the new person and as the established community. After all, both sides tend to go on doing what is most comfortable for them.

I don’t know your situation at all, but children seem to be pretty adept at breaking down some of those boundaries. My husband used to joke that we only had kids so that we could make friends. Most of the places we have been, we have “clicked” with people we met through our children.

Thank you for the post. I think this is a great discussion. I agree with much of what is being said.

Perhaps I project perception upon my child and allow it to become fear. We live in a small town. Everyone here knows everyone else. We go to functions, such as soccer where the mothers huddle in masses, and I sit at the end of the bench by myself. They talk amongst themselves, never making an attempt to include me. I am not certain what I would say if they did. They talk town politics, they talk of past history-things that occurred when they were in high school together. I am not from this town. I am not part of the fabric of their society.

This would not phase me if it weren’t for the fact that I have children. In passing, I was asked why my son had not returned to school. I explained that I would be teaching him at home. There is something about the responses I get~fair to say patronizing. Who am I to remove myself and my children from their failing system? If you want to be part of the community you will do what others do.

My son has/had friends at his school. Rather the lack of social bond is between myself and the other parents. Before taking him out of the public school, I had hoped his friendships would develop despite the fact I am not part of a parental clique.

Now I am left to wonder if my actions have not created further stigma for my son. That breaks my heart. He is a beautiful child. He is smart, caring and gifted in so many ways. Why an adult can not see the value of his friendship is beyond me. His acceptance within the community should not be dependent on my relationships or lack there of.

We moved here from the city. Even after 7 years it is hard to understand a social structure so heavily involved in historical ties,it leaves no room for anyone new.