On the other side of the homeschooling issue, and on the other side of my home state (he likely would recognize the landscape in my header!), Serial Youth Pastor has an entry prompted by a discussion of LB 1141, the anti-homeschool bill proposed in our legislature. Before listing his reasons against homeschooling, however, Serial Youth Pastor makes an important point.
The problem I have with it [the bill] is at what point does the state government have the right to tell a parent how to raise their children.
I have a great deal of respect for anyone who is willing to disagree with a practice but at the same time recognize that it is not necessarily desirable to have the state regulate it.
After some assurances that there are families out there that do an excellent job homeschooling, even if they are the exception to the norm, he finally lays out four objections to homeschooling…well, really three objections and one situation in which he would find the option viable: in the event of bullying unchecked by the school.
Ironically, according to US Department of Education statistics, that caveat he offers is a highly motivating factor for many homeschool families. In a 2003 study, the most frequently cited reason for homeschooling was concern for the physical environment of other schools, including bullying, peer pressure and drugs.
85% cited this concern as a reason for homeschooling and 31.2% cited it as their most important reason for homeschooling, above even religious reasons and academic concerns. Most people homeschool because they fear for the physical safety of their children. This is an important fact to remember as we look at the main objection which deals with the whole socialization question. Specifically, he states:
Social skills usually aren’t great - again this is the norm and NOT the exception. I have witnessed this more times than I can count.
I have a number of objections to this statement.
1. It is based purely on anecdotal evidence.
While anecdotal evidence speaks loudly to us, it fails to satisfy any objective measure and certainly should not be used to direct policy. I could as easily condemn the entire public school system based on the youth I meet at the library right after school lets out in the afternoon. After all, almost all of my interactions with public schooled youth over the last six months have been negative. They are loud, obnoxious, disrespectful, engage in rather lewd acts in public (and no, I’m not that prudish) and use profanity continually. I have witnessed it more times than I can count…or at least care to record.
For his assessment to take on any kind of validity, we would need a blind study. He would have to rate a number of young people on their social skills without knowing whether or not they were homeschooled. Then we might have some measure of whether or not the homeschooled children he happens to know were indeed any more socially inept than your average child. Indeed, such studies have been performed. And while the sample sizes are small they have interesting findings. From summaries at Learning in Freedom:
Shyers found no significant difference between his two groups in scores on the Children’s Assertive Behavior Scale. But direct observation by trained observers, using a “blind” procedure, found that home-schooled children had significantly fewer problem behaviors, as measured by the Child Observation Checklist’s Direct Observation Form, than traditionally schooled children when playing in mixed groups of children from both kinds of schooling backgrounds.
And
Smedley compared twenty home-schooled children to thirteen public school children, matching the children as best he could by relevant demographic characteristics. His study used the Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scales, which evaluate communication skills, socialization, and daily living skills. Smedley found that the home-schooled children were more mature according to the scoring rubrics of the Vineland scales, scoring in the 84th percentile, while the public school children scored in the 27th percentile.
2. Stereotypes play heavily into our perceptions.
Once we have a stereotype of a certain group, a curious thing happens. It continually reinforces itself. It even has a name: schema theory. Once you have established the schema, ie., “homeschoolers lack social skills” every time you see a a child do something awkward who happens to be homeschooled, you connect the two. Even when you very well may not even notice the behavior in another child. Our brain actually seeks out information which reinforces its schema, selectively ignoring everything else. It takes a great deal of new information to force someone to establish new schema, a process often resulting in cognitive dissonance.
3. What is “normal?”
One person will accept a handshake and cordial greeting from a child and think positively of it. Another will think it an awkward thing for a child to do. Smedley’s research indicates that public schooled students tend to become socialized “horizontally,” into conformity with their peer groups whereas homeschooled students tend to become socialized “vertically,” into conformity with adult roles and responsibility. Homeschoolers tend to point to this as a positive, but not everyone sees it this way. Time Magazine had an interesting article citing Shyer’s research in which it states,
In short, they behaved like miniature adults. Which is great, unless you believe that kids should be kids before they are adults. Time
Many people are biased against children who show maturity. After all, in our culture, even adults are expected to act like juveniles.
4. And what if it is true?
What if the homeschooled children he has met do lack social skills? I am not going to pretend that homeschooled children are all wonderful, caring little cherubs who instantly make friends in any environment. In the homeschool groups I have been involved in, there are always “those kids” who look as if they have been homeschooled from a mile away. They stand out. They are awkward. They are a little “nerdy.” And they exist in public school too. “Digger,” “Dictionary,” “Geezer” and countless others attended my school. In school, however, they do not stand out so well. They blend into the background, dodging the social atmosphere and becoming ciphers…almost invisible.
In my homeschool groups, however, this is not the case. “They” do not seem to know any better and go on playing with the other children in their awkward way, not noticing their difference. And the other homeschooled kids seem to accept them. I wouldn’t say that they are the first picked for games or particularly sought out for companionship. But I have never heard any whining or sneering…nor seen any rolling of eyes…when these children are placed with them for any given activity.
That is, of course, anecdotal evidence as well. But an interesting comparison, at least in my mind.
5. Back to that caveat…
Many homeschoolers do begin homeschooling after some conflict in the public schools. Families who never considered this educational option find themselves faced with a difficult decision when they are confronted with their own child suffering as a victim of playground bullying, relational aggression or whatever term the psychological and sometimes even physical abuse meted out against those who do not “fit in.”
So yeah. A lot of homeschooled kids do likely struggle a little in their relationships. This particular hypothetical group I have not met personally (at least knowingly), but having suffered through this kind of treatment in elementary school and junior high, I know it can take awhile to get over. Sometimes they still can’t escape it.
[tags]homeschool, socialization, homeschooling[/tags]
Principled Discovery is a place to stop and discuss news and information related to faith, family and particularly education. Pour yourself a cup of tea and join the conversation! 
“Social skills usually aren’t great - again this is the norm and NOT the exception. I have witnessed this more times than I can count.”
This statement applies to my homeschooled son AS WELL AS the majority of his public schooled friends. Well, I guess their social skills aren’t that bad for a group of fourteen-year-olds.
As long as you’re into “Pull my finger” jokes and spontaneously tackling your friends, you fit right in.
Then again, not one of them would try that stuff on me or another adult.
Are they normal? Do they have appropriate social skills? Who’s he to judge?
hehehe, “pull my finiger…”
Ahem…Seriously…Know why I like your blog so much Dana? Reason. I love how you take these emotional, unreasonable and not well-thought out objections and put them in their place.
I think the Serial Youth Pastor probably needs to do some more thinking, and praying, about the rights of the parents versus the rights of the state before he goes around making broad statements.
~C
Amen to what Christy said! I just get mad and want to blast people with both barrels (which I recently did on my blog!) when they share ridiculous, illogical, or ill-conceived ideas about homeschooling. My nephew who teaches in a public school special ed classroom recently told me that he would NEVER homeschool because homeschooled kids are socially inept. His reason for making that statement was that he had 2 kids in his class (2 out of 14) who were homeschooled before being placed in his class room. He said they were troubled, emotionally unstable, disruptive, and worst of all, weird. He would never blame the school on the issues and problems displayed by his other 12 students, but he automatically assumes that the homeschool situation caused the issues displayed by the 2 homeschooled kids. When I pointed it out to him, he literally sat there speechless. He had NO idea how to respond to that.
I’m constantly amazed at how easily critics of homeschooling make blanket statements that have no basis in logic or truth.
Thanks for his excellent article!!
My thoughts about posts like serial youth pastor’s is that he is speaking from a position of ’spiritual authority’. There are folks who will read what he says, and assume that he knoweth whereof he speaketh. If he has not researched beyond his vague anecdotal experiences, then IMO he is being irresponsible. I don’t take it lightly when someone’s speech can have a detrimental affect on how people perceive my family, and his opinions can color my family’s testimony as home educators, whether he realizes and comprehends this or not.
It also seems to me that he is violating a very important Biblical principle-
2Corinthians 10:12-13 For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.
But we will not boast of things without our measure, but according to the measure of the rule which God hath distributed to us, a measure to reach even unto you.
Our measuring stick for maturity and propriety is not ‘cultural norms’. We are to measure ourselves against ‘the rule of God’. I want to see kids that are kind, compassionate, thoughtful, patient, ethical, and moral. I don’t give a rip if they are ‘popular’ or ‘outgoing’, both of which are highly subjective. You get into a ‘darned if you do, darned if you don’t’ situation, where an older adult would think a polite child is refreshing, whereas a twenty-something might find such a child to be too reserved.
I also find his post inappropriately critical- he can see what HSed kids can’t do, but what about what they can do? Do they have a walk with God? What are their talents and interests? How do they interact with their families, and are they giving to the community? Is he personally involved in the lives of these homeschoolers of which he speaks, and if not, how can he know these things observing from a distance?
I posted some questions for clarification on his blog, because I also do not want to ‘answer the matter’ until I ‘hear’ it. (Proverbs 18:13)
“Social skills usually aren’t great - again this is the norm and NOT the exception. I have witnessed this more times than I can count.”
I say the same thing about kids in public school. Perhaps the answer is just that kids, no matter where they are schooled, are lacking in adult social skills. Maybe that’s because they are, after all, kids.
From Point 5 ~
Marissa does not have good social skills. She didn’t have them in public school either. In fact, they pulled her out of her mainstream English class and put her in a Special Ed English class so that she might learn non-verbal language in addition to written language, grammar and spelling. Marissa would sit at a computer and look at facial expressions and be asked about emotions. She would look at a photo and be asked to describe what was going on in the picture. She practiced rules of personal space. She did quite well at these activities; she didn’t use any of these skills in “real life.” I was in yet another IEP meeting when one of her teacher expressed her belief that Marissa had better social skills than she was using. Apparently, if Marissa can read social cues on a computer in a quiet environment when she was totally focused on that task, she really should be able to read them in the noisy halls of a Jr. High while she is talking to her peers and trying to decide what it is she is supposed to get from her locker and bring to the next class.
She has matured somewhat over the past three years; maturity has improved her social skills somewhat. It is maturity and not home education that has made a difference. But home education has definitely improved her peer relationships. She still acts somewhat odd at times. But, she is not the weird kid who caused an English class to evacuate because she was raging. She is accepted by a small group of kids. While I admit that many of these kids are developmentally and socially behind too, she has friends for the first time.
I went to public school from preschool through grad school, and I doubt that most people would say I am “pretty normal socially,” as I’m an introvert and have never really conformed to others’ expectations. Had I been homeschooled, I’m sure that many people would view my nerdiness, my lack of interest in idle chit-chat, and my quiet demeanor as a failure of my parents to properly socialize me rather than viewing it as an inborn part of my personality.
Public school studensts” … are loud, obnoxious, disrespectful, engage in rather lewd acts in public (and no, I’m not that prudish) and use profanity continually.” I so agree with you.
What does this say about our culture, however? Something is broken and needs to be fixed.
Very well reasoned, Dana. I forgive you for making me cry (TWICE!) yesterday.
One of the things I love about homeschooling is that it doesn’t beat the weird out of kids. I think the world needs more weirdos, more nerds, more think outside the box, more I’ll-be-any-dang-shape-I-please-and-you-can-keep-your-round-hole, thank-you-very-much-people.
Homeschooling is more apt to let the edges develop as they may.
Great points you make!
Most of the anecdotal evidence for the “homeschoolers are weird” schema I’ve run into seems to be a bit on the dated side. They’re from people around my age (late 20’s to early 30’s) who talk about the handful of homeschooled kids they knew growing up. I’ll admit that the 1 HS family I knew growing up and the 1 HS family my DH knew growing up did, in fact, fit the stereotype of being either ubercrunchy hippies or ultrafundamentalist Christians. Yes, there are still some HS families out there like that and the elite media gives them a disproportionate amount of attention (likely because they confirm their reporters’ biases). But most HS families today are a lot closer to the mainstream than the “pioneer” generation of the ’80’s and early ’90’s.
Dana - First of all thanks for reading my blog (serialyouthpastor.com). I honestly do appreciate your comments about the post I made. I really do not despise homeschooling as much as one might think. Again for me it’s in the way it’s done. It is true I am NOT a parent. I have been a youth pastor for the last 10 years and so I keep up a lot on youth culture and different issues surrounding that culture.
First I will say this…I will admit that there is no scientific research I have done to come to my conclusions. I have come to my conclusions by interacting with kids who are home schooled both when I was in high school and now. So this is strictly of my own opinion.
Let me attempt to clarify my statements a little;
1) Social skills usually aren’t great - again this is the norm and NOT the exception. I have witnessed this more times than I can count.
Again this is something I have witnessed in 90% of the home schooled kids I have known. It is true that adolescents on a norm have poor social skills when compared to adults. However I have seen the norm be kids who are home schooled are at a lower social skill level than that of the average public school student. Again this is from what I have experienced. Now there are exceptions to this on both sides and I will admit that. I have worked with well over 700 kids in the last 5 years in the church I am a youth pastor at now and believe me there are kids from both sides who suffer socially. I just think when kids who are home schooled are isolated from public school kids then socially they don’t know how to interact with other students.
2) Balance - there HAS to be a good balance. Again the majority of families I have seen who have home schooled their kids there was not a good balance of interaction with other students. I completely and whole-heartedly agree that it is the parents right to decide to home school or not. And I respect the choice that is made to home school a student. From what I have heard I’m just not sure that sometimes the choice is made for the right reasons. Again these are just my convictions and opinions. I think that in order to be balanced home school kids need to be involved in sports or some extra curricular class in the public school or given the opportunity to be able to interact with those kids.
Again these are just my opinions and I realize that not everyone will agree with me on this. Believe me I don’t think my position is superior than any other.
Thank you for leaving your thoughts and contributing to the discussion, Chris! Just to be clear, I really do appreciate that you started with noting that you were a little uncomfortable with the state having power over the family in this means, even if you aren’t quite as sure where the line should be drawn as I am. : ) That is a more difficult decision to make when you disagree with what it is the state is looking to regulate.
My experience confirms the opposite. My degree is in education, I taught public school for two years, have assisted with youth programs in church and I am involved in homeschool groups. I have been involved with hundreds of families and their children.
I have never seen any real difference, other than those noted above. And what research has been done confirms that this seems to be the way things are in most cases.
What you are talking about was probably truer when you were in high school…there weren’t as many homeschoolers and they tended to be a little more extreme in their views given the uncertainty of the laws. But today, it is moving into the mainstream, and there are a plethora of activities that youth can participate in.
I am, however, uncomfortable with your implication that public schooled students are the norm…you are in a much more rural part of the state than I, so maybe this is a lot different out there. But here in Lancaster County (Lincoln), I would not want the public schooled students to serve as standard for what passes for an “adjusted” child. As Christians, our nrms and standards should be defined by scripture, not by culture. The difference in expectations is clearer, I think, when you look at some of our more urban schools.
Chris,
I would still like to see ’social skills’ defined in some way. What, in your opinion, is it that HS kids are/aren’t doing that makes them social misfits?
What about the Biblical principles of not being conformed to the world?
Psalm 1:1-2 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
And who are we to compare ourselves to? Are my children really supposed to hold up world system as the standard of ‘normal’?
I appreciate that you have come to the discussion table with a good spirit, and I hope that in asking and answering questions we can reach some understanding of the concepts we are trying to convey.
Quote “believe me there are kids from both sides who suffer socially. I just think when kids who are home schooled are isolated from public school kids then socially they don’t know how to interact with other students.” Hi I am a new reader but would like to add my “2 cents” on this comment. My daughter would have seemed inept socially, but the reasons are deeper than because she was homeschooled. The public schools have many cliques and groups and popularity wanes and grows with the breeze. My daughter would befriend someone at church youth group and next week they would be the social outcast, including all who would dare to associate with them. Such changes in social status are hard to read and are very confusing when you are not in the “system group” on the daily basis. I’ve seen this happen with students that attend other schools, private schools, etc when they try to interact with PS kids. BTW now that she is in college, she has no problems because the rest of the kids are mature enough not to play those games. As a youth pastor, I would challenge you to build unity and encourage kids to leave their “cliques” and “hot groups” out of the church and love each other as brothers and sisters.
As a speech pathologist in private practice, I see a lot of children who are homeschooled and on the autism spectrum. In their cases, social skills are an area of concern, but the end goal is to teach appropriate social skills for life. Homeschooling can be a good fit for kids who are socially awkward because it saves a lot of the torture that comes from those “socialized” kids who can be incredibly cruel.
That is a good point, Clare and Rose.
And a lot of people I talk to online have a child with autism…which has led them at least in part to homeschooling.
Sunniemom, you are exactly right. We are not supposed to conform to this world.
And there are so many variables in these kinds of observations, it is impossible to “blame” the process of homeschooling for any actual deficits. Since parents have the largest influence on their children even when they do attend school, it is very likely that whatever the perceived difference is would not be much different…maybe even worse.
‘Culture (and youth culture at that),’ defining the norm.
Excellent.
So much for logical, reasoned and researched material.
Sunniemom - sorry I have not responded in a timely manner. Friday’s are my day off. Last night I found out one of my aunts passed away. Today is my birthday. I will respond I promise.
@ sunniemom - first of all thanks for your input into this conversation. I really do feel bad that you are taking this so personal. This was not an attack on you. I am sure you are a great mom that loves the Lord. I will start off with a quote from you in “quotation marks” begin there and the state my response.
“My thoughts about posts like serial youth pastor’s is that he is speaking from a position of ’spiritual authority’. There are folks who will read what he says, and assume that he knoweth whereof he speaketh.”
My respsonse: honestly I wasn’t speaking from a point of ’spiritual authority.’ Rather I was giving my honest opinion. I think there is a vast difference. You are right people may read what I have wrote and come to the assumption that I am factually correct. I never claimed to be. Again it is my own opinion stated on my blog. I would say that those people who “may” take my word for pure Gospel on this are easily duped. It is our job as believers to weigh the things we hear and say against the Truth of Scripture. The same thing goes with your pastor on Sunday mornings. Hopefully people are following along in their Bibles and questioning their pastors when they don’t agree with what is said from the pulpit. Again we aren’t to take everything as truth UNLESS it is Scripture itself. The thing is with an issue like this to be able to look at it from both sides fairly.
“If he has not researched beyond his vague anecdotal experiences, then IMO he is being irresponsible. I don’t take it lightly when someone’s speech can have a detrimental affect on how people perceive my family, and his opinions can color my family’s testimony as home educators, whether he realizes and comprehends this or not.”
My response: Research (while often good) is not necessarily authority. I think this is important. Research gains us a great insight into things and has it’s time and place. From what I have found MOST research is skewed in the direction of the person conducting it. Once in a while you will find some research that is fair and balanced. However (while some research is fair and balanced) we can’t decide based off of purely research.
Take the disciples (the original 12) for example. They weren’t exposed to a large amount of research. True they walked, lived, and worked alongside of Christ. Often missing what he was about which is clearly seen through the Gospels. But they were able to conclude that Jesus was the Christ. Again without a ton of research but based off of “anecdotal experience.” Stereotypes often hold truth in them and that’s why they often sting as bad as they do. With stereotypes it is true they may not represent the whole but rather the ones who “stick out” to the public. Again I based my opinion on the ones I have seen and have interacted with.
“Our measuring stick for maturity and propriety is not ‘cultural norms’. We are to measure ourselves against ‘the rule of God’. I want to see kids that are kind, compassionate, thoughtful, patient, ethical, and moral. I don’t give a rip if they are ‘popular’ or ‘outgoing’, both of which are highly subjective. You get into a ‘darned if you do, darned if you don’t’ situation, where an older adult would think a polite child is refreshing, whereas a twenty-something might find such a child to be too reserved.”
My response: you are right. We shouldn’t measure ourself against cultural norms. That’s not the point I was making. I said I have studied youth culture not that we should compare. My thing is this. Studying youth culture (by the way every parent should study it as well) is that is helps me to understand what is going on amongst youth in general. It helps me to see patterns emerging in a students life that may be unhealthy and will help me go to the parents to point it out. The study of youth culture helps me to understand trends and circumstances. It is actually very very useful in my profession. We should use God’s Word as our moral compass and measuring stick. I agree 100% on that.
My point was (again based on what I have seen) is that often times is that students who are homeschooled are often not able to make friends outside of the homeschool scene. They are not “sociable” with public school students. This is what I meant. Again it is purely “anecdotal experience” but I would say 80% of the homeschooled students I have observed fit into this category. HOWEVER there are some that I have gotten to know that you would never know if they were homeschooled or not becuase of how well they interact with their peers. I recently heard a homeschool kid say, “Why should we go to Dare 2 Share. We never interact with ‘those’ types of people who need it anyway.” This is the mindset I am talking about.
“I also find his post inappropriately critical- he can see what HSed kids can’t do, but what about what they can do? Do they have a walk with God? What are their talents and interests? How do they interact with their families, and are they giving to the community? Is he personally involved in the lives of these homeschoolers of which he speaks, and if not, how can he know these things observing from a distance?”
My response: As far as a relationship with God most of the time it is a yes. Giving to the community - most of the time no. Am I actively involved in the lives of these homeschoolers? yes. The attitude I find though is that they want no part of reaching out to their non-Christian friends with the Gospel for 2 reasons.
(1) they really don’t have non-Christian friends
(2) their parents don’t want them around “those types of kids” meaning kids who need Christ.
I know this is a lengthy post but I wanted to give you an honest answer to your post and questions.
Chris-
I appreciate your response, and would like to assure you that I did not view your blog post as an attack, or as personal. I asked you questions for clarification, and so that you would consider other aspects of this home education movement than what it would appear you have pondered thus far.
If in fact parents are teaching their children not to interact with a lost world as if it is beneath them, then I’d say the pastor has his work cut out for him. I would like to point out, however, that at times when I am practicing Psalm 1:1 and I Cor. 15:33, I have been accused of being an isolationist. There is a balance to be achieved when rearing children, especially when they are younger or of a very sensitive or impressionable mind.
There is definitely a need for more communication with parents of the kids in your group so that you can address these concerns. But whatever your concerns, I am glad that you agree that legislation is not the answer.
sunniemom - good deal. I just felt some condescending tones. I’m glad I was wrong. I agree that balance is needed. I do think homeschooling can be a good thing. I really do.
First of all, I am sorry to hear about your aunt, Chris.
And don’t worry too much about perceived frustrations in comment boxes. I can only speak for myself, but I know I have a strong opinion, I do grow weary of being stereotyped and it can be particularly tiresome from fellow Christians. That, however, does not mean I took or meant anything in the discussion to be personal.
Most of what you are talking about sounds more like parenting issues than homeschooling ones. Parents who are overly isolating naturally will tend to wish to homeschool. On the other hand, I do see problems with putting too much responsibility for discipleship on children. I did not tackle the Great Commission in this post, but it is only applicable to those already trained in the Word and themselves following Christ. I would say that is only possible in elementary school in very rare cases.
You also brought up two things which I think would make for an interesting discussion of their own:
1) they really don’t have non-Christian friends
I am not advocating any stance on this issue, but I have read a lot of commentary regarding who we as Christians consider friends. (Please note that they are talking about close friends, not the plethora of acquaintances most Americans have in their social circle). Where is the boundary line between influencing other people’s children and protecting your own who may not be all that mature?
2) My respsonse: honestly I wasn’t speaking from a point of ’spiritual authority.’ Rather I was giving my honest opinion.
Another interesting thought. As a youth pastor, you are in a position of authority. Rightly or wrongly, people look up to you on the basis of your position. I thought about this more when I taught in the public schools (and it was at the core of why I was not legally allowed to answer the children’s questions about God), but when in this role one has to always be aware of that authority in what s/he says. I think this what sunniemom might have been referring to…your blog identifies you as a youth pastor and thus a man of spiritual authority.
Just some thoughts.
Dana those are some good thoughts. And you are right people will look to me for answers and guidance. My hope is that what they hear from me they will weigh against scripture and see if the advice will hold solid.
The Bible does speak about having friends who will corrupt good morals. Again I think this goes back to parenting as well. In high school MOST of my close friends were non-believers. I preferred it this way honestly. They welcomed me more than my Christian friends did. Sounds odd believe me I know that. But they stuck up for my beliefs. They were always there for me. They never chose Christ and the never pressured me to do the things they were doing that went against the Biblical standards and values my parents taught me. They knew where I stood. Maybe God protected me in a special way. Maybe though God used my parents to instill within me principals and values that I could stick to becuase they were God’s. I’m not sure. Probably it was a combination of both.
I was a 4 sport athlete in high school. I was invited to every major party there was. People would even offer to provide cold pop for me if I would go. I chose not to go to any of them becuase I knew what was going to be there and I knew I was susceptible to sin. True I didn’t want to let my parents down but I didn’t want to let God down even more than that. My friends knew that. Is it possible to have no-Christian friends and not be influenced by them? I believe so. Jesus hung out with sinners all of the time and yet the Bible says his life was the example for us to follow. How are we following his example if we are separated from the rest of the culture…people who Christ would try to reach?
How are we following his example if we are separated from the rest of the culture…people who Christ would try to reach?
You are assuming the homeschooled child is separated from culture. I do not think your example relavent to elementary. The child is simply too young. But once a child has a sincere commitment to Christ, certainly it is time for them to become more active in engaging culture, so to speak.
School isn’t the only means.
I was likely the opposite of you in high school. Never invited to a party, didn’t go to prom, I did go to homecoming but rooted for the wrong team (oops!) and probably would not have been one you would have held up for my “social skills.” I was weird…I didn’t fit in.
I never blamed that on my educational situation…I actually always liked school.
I think Chris makes a good point about balance.
“I think that in order to be balanced home school kids need to be involved in sports or some extra curricular class in the public school or given the opportunity to be able to interact with those kids.”
My children have always been involved in some sort of activity; recreational sports, Scouts, robotics etc. where they interacted with other children from the public school system.
In fact when my husband was coaching the soccer team I had a very productive conversation with the Mom’s about homeschooling. One Mom walked up to the group of Mom’s I was sitting with and she was ranting about how homeschoolers were all social misfits and the government shouldn’t allow people to homeschool. One of the Mom’s who was very supportive and helpful to me (and just happened to be a public school teacher) spoke up and said “Alasandra homeschools her kids”. Ranting Mom was embarrassed but stated that my kids were nothing like “homeschooled kids”. I then mentioned that two of the other boys on the soccer team were homeschooled. She had no clue and couldn’t identify either boy. And one of the boys was from a very religious family.
When her son came up to get something to drink she asked him if he knew that (she named the 4 boys) were homeschooled. He replied that he did and that it was cool and that he wished he was homeschooled. She didn’t have a clue and was very surprised by his reaction.
Chris,
From reading your post is sounds as if you think all homeschoolers are Christians.
This isn’t the case anymore. I belong to an inclusive homeschool group and we have Pagans, atheist, agnostics, Muslims and a host of other beliefs in our group.
As a homeschool group leader, I groaned inwardly last year when a family new to the area joined our group. I thought the children were a little bizarre, especially the older girl, who talked with a teeny girl voice, clutched a giant teddy bear, dressed strangely and hid behind her long, unkempt hair. But then the family told us they had pulled the child out of public school a WEEK ago. One week of homeschooling had made her unusual? What about the last four years of public school????
We also have a number of strange, bookish kids in our group who look ‘normal’ but have trouble relating in a ‘normal’ way with either the adults or the other kids. They all fall on the Aspergers spectrum and were pulled out of public school recently because they were totally miserable. Yet when a stranger meets any of these kids and hears they are homeschooling, they don’t dig any deeper(like how long, why, etc) and so the stereotype for us all persists.
Also, if you are working with a specific population of kids (i.e. in a church or certain denomination) you are only looking at that subset of kids(religious) and are missing the larger group of kids that might be homeschooling for a mix of academic, religious, social reasons and fall within different demographic groups and would not likely be where you could make contact with them. So you cannot make a broad assumption of what homeschoolers overall look like. (Just as I can’t assess all public schoolers by the actions of either a fundamentalist church youth group or the actions of teens at a certain raucous Friday night party).
Oh, and usually its the weird kids that trip people’s homeschool radar. The normal ones blend in and unless you ask, you have no idea they are homeschooled.—-
My homeschooling community has been having a sad week, so I will try not to get too punchy about this:
What is so wonderful about being “normal?” I don’t consider myself normal and I grew up in public schools. I was shy. I have shy kids. They have some homeschooling friends who are shy and some who are extroverts, competitive and not, bookish and not. They are kids. They come in all flavors.
If the most important part of the public school experience is social interaction with one’s peers, why do the teachers always insist that students sit down and be quiet?