I’ve heard of this problem before. You are home, not doing anything anyway, and therefore fair game to be volunteered for every activity under the sun. I used to do it to my mom all the time. But now it is Life on the Planet who needs some answers.
Why is it that people seem to think that because I am home with my children all day I have nothing to do? What exactly do they think we’re doing here? Do they think it does itself?
I haven’t actually experienced this personally. Our church uses more collective guilt strategies to get individuals to step forward rather than pressuring members directly. I’m not kidding. It is very effective, too, because we end up stepping forward, all the while thinking it was our idea.
But that is no fun for a blog post. So here is as much irreverence as I could muster on a Saturday night:
- 1. Get an auto-attendant for your phone:
- Thank you for calling Life on the Planet’s overburdened homeschool. To better assist you with pulling me in as many directions as possible, please select from the following menu options:
- For covered dishes, press 1.
- For baked goods, press 2.
- For Sunday School lessons, press 3.
- To decorate the church, press 4.
- To clean after the youth group, please call their mothers.
- 2. Didn’t you get the memo? My hands are full. I can’t believe you didn’t get the memo. Even strangers at the grocery store seem to have gotten it. (May only work if you have more than three children.)
- 3. Of course! And you’ll naturally be watching my children, right? Johnny should be working on his math at that time, and Susie might need help with her chemistry. She burnt a hole in the kitchen floor last month while I was working on x,y,z for you.
- 4. Life on the Planet is an Equal Opportunity Rejector. Since I said no to my children fourteen times today, I have to say no to your next fourteen requests as well.
- 5. Thank you so much for calling! Since you are there at the phone, could you do me a favor and take my number off the speed dial? And go ahead and put me on your “do not call” list, too. Thanks for saving me the trip!
- 6. Require project proposals to be typed, double spaced and handed to you in triplicate. Require 90 days to review all proposals.
- 7. Change your answering machine message: “We’re sorry. The number you have dialed has been disconnected. Please hang up and try again.”
- 8. This could be time consuming, but develop a reputation as a horrid cook, a wretched singer, a careless organizer. Mentioning how you give all the glory to God because you haven’t managed to lose any of your kids (permanently) might get you out of teaching as well.
- 9. Well, we were getting together with some other families to reenact the Battle of Gettysburg, but you know the church is much bigger than our house. I am sure the canon fire won’t be too distracting…
- 10. Yes, certainly! And will you be paying with MasterCard or Visa?
Feel free to share your experiences, suggestions and frustrations with this whole setting boundaries thing. Then, you might want to check out the book.
Principled Discovery is a place to stop and discuss news and information related to faith, family and particularly education. Pour yourself a cup of tea and join the conversation! 
I’ve actually had people hint at the fact that maybe I should put my kids in school so I’d have more time for “ministry.” Like being on some waste of time church committee is a bigger ministry than teaching my own four children. Aargh!
LOL! You’ve been peeking in my windows haven’t ya!
Excellent, excellent!
Do you want to hear something amazing - I’ve even had one friend hint to me SEVERAL times that she’d love for me to homeschool her kids, too. She’d pay me what she pays for private school tuition. It’s one of those “jokes” that you know she’d love for me to take seriously.
Great post! A group that I am on has been discussing this topic for a while now.
Boundries, picked it up after Dave Ramsey suggested it.
Giggling madly. I may you late for bed, you made me late for church. We’re even!
Thanks, Dana! I’ll try them today.
Aargh! Made. I Made you late. Geez.
Our old church (we home church now) was very anti-homeschoolers–even though most of their programs and other things were run by homescholers and homeschoolers did most of the volunteer stuff (although the two in charge of the children’s ministry were lifetime public school teachers.) They really did think we should put our kids in public school so we would have more time for ministry–even though the older generation at the church was THRILLED with the homeschooling crowd. It was kind of weird there.
Oh, I love the “this number has been disconnected” phone message. Right now I have a message on about how the job the people are looking for isn’t at this number because the callers flip-flopped the last two numbers of the number in the ad in the newspaper 37 instead of 73.
The ad has been running about five years. I’d change the number, but it would confuse my elderly mom.
I can definitely sympathize with this, and so can my dad. He’s constantly complaining about how now that he’s retired everybody seems to think that he has time for every single project that comes along…
HAHAHA!!! Oh my gosh, I’m out of breath from laughing so hard. I’m not yet a homeschooler (my oldest is only 2 1/2) but I work at home and have my own business. I do not understand the mentality of these people!
Thanks, everyone! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Quite homeschooling so you have more time for “ministry?” Interesting line of thought….
You know, my parents are the worst at this. My son goes to Early Childhood for special education and I work from home when he goes to school. They think that because he is at school they can get me to do things when he is at school but it is almost the only time I actually get things done.
And then they ask how you do it all
Aaaah! Pickel, are you saying that no matter what, other people think you have the time for their projects?
haha~nice blog, ok always stay cool…
Message I have actually used on my answering machine:
Thank you for calling ___-____- we are not available right now, as we are busy homeschooling. We will be done in about ten years, so if you’d like to leave a message, I will return your call in 2018.
That is so true! A few times now I’ve had to explain what I “do with my time” to a couple friends and my cousins who don’t have kids. The people at my church were surprised that I had to leave a committee after they changed the time. What was I supposed to do with my two kids?
I loved your recorded phone message! Really good. I’m considering it for mine…
I told the pastor’s wife that I felt GOD CONVICTED ME to spend time I would have spent on ministry with my children and family. No one has bugged me from the church on this issue, and though some people have hinted I need to get involved, they’re not in “leadership” so whatever.
I homeschool in part so I don’t have to deal with that constant buggin’ anyway.
Still giggling. Okay, and plotting, as well.
I turned off my voicemail and just don’t answer the phone without screening. When people ask why I am not available, I say “people who know to call me only for emergencies have me cell phone number, the rest have my email.” Then I give them my email address.
btw, I am still laughing over Heathers ‘Home church’ comment. Priceless.
I love this list! I’m going to print it and tape it to my forehead.
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Hysterical. I actually know a number of people who have mastered several of those techniques, esp. #9.