Homeschool advocates are going to find it increasingly difficult to respond to public criticism should many more articles of this caliber be published. Since the reasoning is impeccable, I am left with no alternative but to present the eulogy for homeschooling. Goodbye, my love, goodbye.
Educators, parents, students, lend me your ears;
I come to bury homeschooling, not to praise it.
The evil that men do makes headlines,
The good is oft interred with their bones.
So let it be with homeschoolers.
The noble Katie Criss
hath told you homeschoolers hide abusers:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath homeschoolers answered it.
Here, under leave of Katie and the rest,
For Katie did her research;
So did they all, all well-researched people–
Come I to speak in homeschooling’s funeral.
It is my lifestyle, precious and full to me:
But Katie says my reasons are unwarranted,
And Katie did her research.
It has brought many families closer together
Whose work did enrich their communities.
Did this in homeschooling seem pernicious?
When the poor hath cried, homeschoolers hath organized:
Isolation should be made of lonelier stuff.
Yet Katie says we are unqualified
And Katie did her research.
You all did see at your state convention
Curricula that could fill a hall,
Support groups, the love of a parent: is this for naught?
Yet Katie sees only “Homeschooling for Dummies”
And Katie did her research.
I speak not to disprove what Katie wrote,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love liberty once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for its loss?
O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with homeschooling
And I must pause till it come back to me.
Hat Tip: Omega Mom, who shares a few thoughts of her own, although perhaps not so heavily influenced by Shakespeare…and one curse word at the end.
[tags]homeschooling, homeschool, humor, satire[/tags]
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My first thought was that this article was pulled from a free article directory. It stinks of pseudo-critical portfolio building that no one in their right mind would publish, but that a website desperate for free content would eat up.
Please don’t despair and die. Homeschooling may yet awaken from the tomb. I trust the tragedy will turn into a comedy for the research is opinion, you see.
Yeah, that was my impression. But it lent itself so well to Shakespeare. How could I resist?
Renae, you posted the same time as I did. And thank you for your encouragement.
To all who despair: Take heart! Mark Antony wins…and the evil Brutus, er, Katie, is finally defeated!
Sounds like Katie won’t be homeschooling her brood. Probably a good thing - her grammar is HORRIBLE. Did she proofread…did she edit?
If that article was researched, then I’m Claudia Schiffer, and you can’t prove I’m not. :p
Well, that article gave me a good laugh to start off my homeschooling day! Research? Logic? Grammar? Katie must have missed class on those days. I was impressed with your creative response.
We can only hope that one day she will come to her senses, that we might look upon her and say, “There is Katie, the homeschooling Mama.”
I like his comedies better, also.
Bravo!(can you hear the cheering?)
On second thought, after reading Katie’s article, it’s probably better if someone who knows grammar and punctuation teaches her little darlings.
I think we should all send Katie a thank you note. After all, she single handedly demonstrated exactly what a public school education gains one. I am afraid that the brilliance of your response will escape her. On another note, I don’t recall being informed at the birth of my children that the state was now responsible for raising them. Nor did I have to pass a test to prove that I was qualified to be a parent before I was allowed to become one. Hmmm…
Ha! I finished a post on my blog and came over here before going to bed. I did pretty well reading Danaspeare after midnight. Are you tired this morning? I am nursing my coffee now.
Artfully done, Dana! I thought you said you weren’t a literary type?
Shakespeare? Literary? It’s great oratory!
Renae, I think you came over within two minutes of me posting this. It was nice to know I’m not the only night owl!
Thank you all…
Funny.
For many critics, homeschooling is more of a part of their own personal culture war than an educational method to be examined on the merits.
And yes, brilliant response… although I can hardly stand Shakespeare LOL An English major and English teacher who could not stand Shakespeare (wonder if that bias rubbed off on my students?)
Gosh, I thought that was an “Aw-ratory” lol
Too funny!!! I LAUGHED all morning thinking about this post!
I think poor Katie suffered the same fate as her Shakespearean namesake.
“Then God be blessed, it is the blessed sun,
But sun it is not when you say it is not,
And the moon changes even as your mind.
What you will have it named, even that it is,
And so it shall be still for Katherine.”
(IV.vi.19–23)
Our own dear Katie, like Katherine the Shrew, has “been tamed”. Katherine was tamed by her lover…her reality defined by his words. Katie has also been tamed and her reality defined by her lover, her own “very prestigious and notorious public school system”. Unlike Katherine’s, Katie’s lover evidently failed her miserably!!
I linked to your post in my blog, Dana. I want all my readers to read this. It just made my day!!
Thanks for a GREAT post!
“…In closing, American citizens, together let’s promote our very prestigious and notorious public school system and crusade against the leniency of home schooling that consequently will benefit our country by providing a solid education for all.”
OK, I was an English major in college and I’ve read this sentence at least three times. I still don’t understand what she’s trying to convey. Homeschooling will provide a solid education for all? The public schools are prestigious (not letting the riff-raff in and all) AND notorious??
Are you sure that she ISN’T a homeschool mom to begin with… and wrote this article under a pseudonym to throw everyone off and practice them-thar bad grammer skillz?
Oh, PS:
Put a little link to your blog in mine as well. You said it wayyy better than I ever could.
Well, she’s done her research. Guess I should just go enroll the kids now. LOL
A quick Google search on “Katie Criss” reveals that she has a dual degree in Early Childhood Education & Elementary Education. So it’s no wonder that she’s spouting the NEA party line…
Katie states that we as homeschooling moms are not qualified to teach our children, but her article is full of grammatial and punctuation errors. What is hilarious to note, is that she has, as Crimson Wife noted above, a dual degree in Early Childhood Education and Elementary Education. Part of her argument stems from the belief that you are not qualified to teach children unless you yourself have a degree in Education. She has two degrees, but I would be horrified to find out she was teaching my children.
It is interesting to note as well, that she says homeschooling parents cite rare cases of school violence as their primary reason to homeschool, but then she cites rare cases of parental abuse to support her view that we are all a bunch of abusive parents hiding our children away from public view. In North Carolina alone, according to her research, there are over 50,000 children being homeschooled, but she could only find a handful of accounts of abuse nationwide at the hands of a homeschooling parent.
What is sad is that some uninformed people will read her article and buy into her line of reasoning and dismiss homeschooling without doing any reseach of their own.
While pulling out individual HSing cases that went wrong for reasons beyond HSing, she neglects to mention the trained, qualified, finger printed teachers that have been charged with sexually assaulting their students, teachers who have had inappropriate relationships with their students, teachers who have run off with their students, teachers who have contributed to buying cigarettes and alcohol for their students, teachers that share sexual values that might not sit well with others.
These things do happen. Having taught in the public schools–they DO happen; so if we are going to pull out specific HSing parents and situations then lets equally pull out specific teachers and schools.
Also, her statement about how to go about HS in California is not accurate; she makes seem as if there is no procedure at all and that is not so. I personally had to register as a Private School in order to HS… otherwise there are other options from hiring a credentialed/qualifiedtutor to do the job. etc.
And any place in which a child spends time s/he will pick biases: churches, schools, public libraries, neighborhoods, grandparents, friends homes, etc. Also, once a child becomes a teen s/he begins to experiment with biases of their friends… whether a teen of highschool age spending time with peers or when off to a public/private college and listening too and talking with college professors and classmates, which many HSers seem to do–they don’t simply stop their education because the “school” years have ended.
I find the article plenty faulty and for every perceived legitimate claim there is a legitimate counter.
Oh dear! With an article as incriminating as that one, I think you’re right. Homeschooling is just about dead!
Where do you come up with this stuff?
LOVE the eulogy!
That does not surprise me, Crimson Wife. This isn’t meant to be disparaging of teachers in the least, but I had difficulty imagining many of the ones I attended classes with being responsible for the education of other people’s children. At the time, I just figured that was what the whole process was about…weeding some of them out. Now I am not so sure.
You don’t like Shakespeare, Shawna? As an English major? I’m horrified! We had to memorize this speech in high school, and I wrote a paper on it in college. So that makes me an expert, right?
Normally, I wouldn’t have bothered with an article so poorly written, but you just can’t begin an essay with such a strong allusion to Shakespeare and then proceed to butcher the language…and all reason along with it.
I’m with you, Mrs. C. And I majored in German and education. English was one of the few majors I never did consider, although I did fill out all the paperwork to transfer to the school of journalism at one time.
Another great carnival you’ve put together here. Your creativity definitely contributes to the consistent turnout.
I’m looking forward to see what you do with the Soup To Nuts progressive dinner carnival.
…I’d appreciate you dropping a line in my box, touch base on this. Thanks.
Dana, fabulous Shakespearean response!
I enjoyed your post. I’ll link to it later today, I have to run to the doctor now so I can’t do it immediately.
I am not linking to the CoH this week as they failed to include the post I submitted.
great jobs
**You don’t like Shakespeare, Shawna? As an English major? I’m horrified! We had to memorize this speech in high school, and I wrote a paper on it in college. So that makes me an expert, right?**
Ha ha! Coming from someone who doesn’t like Jane Austin?!?
But I’m not an English major. : )
I’m a German major…and Education major. And I actually do like Goethe, Schiller, Grass, etc. (but I could do without Thomas Mann). I even like reading Piaget, Dewey, Skinner and all those others who shaped education theory.
I have similar tastes in reading material from every other major I at one time declared…but I never even considered one in English. So that’s my excuse.
It seems fitting that there was a Tylenol ad at the end of Ms. Criss’ article, because I needed one after reading it. Has she ever heard of editing and proofreading?
Some of my problems with her article:
Why not cite some of the “research” she did?
Why did she compare teaching requirements in one state with homeschooling requirements in a different state?
Why is it, when people discuss what children are missing by not attending school, they always focus on experiences like “prom” and “riding a school bus?”
This sentence–”Parents justify themselves by reciting isolated incidents to help build their case for home schooling.” How easily can we all replace the words “home schooling” with the words “public school?”
As usual, wonderful food for thought. Thanks Dana.
Peace and Laughter!
That article had me in a seething rage. I just hate it when people bring up child abuse cases and cry that “no one ever knew” because the mother was homeschooling. Off to write my own rebuttal, I’m sure it will not be as polite and literary as yours, but I do intend to ask her about using an apostrophe to make a plural. *eye roll*
You go for it Lydia! Her little rant is so full of inner contradictions, it makes critiquing it pretty easy!
Okay but, but, but look at the context here. The site is trash. It’s just a scaffolding for ads. Completely idiotic. I’m not going to send her any traffic by responding. Okay, I feel better now.
:) 
You handled it right!
[It’s just a scaffolding for ads] Well, then at least we can give this person credit for one thing. Generally those trash sites that are just scaffoldings for ads don’t bother writing their own stuff, they just steal my RSS feed and claim it as their own.
I suppose I prefer a poorly written, poorly argued entry than say one of mine hoisted for for someone else’s personal gain.
Yeah…but it isn’t even her site. She wrote an article for a free directory and this character education site picked it up (I wouldn’t recommend anyone signing up for their email thing there…I am almost certain it will be giving your address to some spammer organization!) I went and read the rest of her free content and it isn’t any better. But like Julie, I do appreciate that they went to someone volunteering free content as opposed to my blog.
I would never have touched it except that once I read the intro I couldn’t help but laugh the rest of the way through. And if I find it that funny, well…y’all have to suffer through it as well. : ) That and I have no idea why Greg Laden picked this up as an argument against homeschooling. I know he is against homeschool, but certainly there are better resources out there. One might almost think Ms. Criss is a homeschooling advocate trying to make the arguments against homeschool look even dumber than they are.
Good grief. That article was so stupid it doesn’t even deserve a rebuttal. But I’m glad you did, Dana. I enjoyed it, thoroughly.
Theresa, that really was my first reaction, too. But like I told Lydia, once something makes me laugh hard enough and occupies my thoughts long enough, it ends up a post.
How does that saying go? Hell hath no fury like a homeschooling mama scorned? Doesn’t go quite that way, but I think y’all get the message… yes, I am from Texas “Y’all”. And yes, my homeschooling wife is looking over my shoulder to make sure that I spell the “y’all” contraction correctly (haha).
Homeschooling moms rock! Gotta love the roasting of Ms. Katie.
From, I think, the only male that has chimed in… so far.
OG
Oh no! There is a gender gap in my comment box! I’m glad you chimed in with a more masculine voice and I hope you feel welcome amongst the homeschooling mamas. : )
I used to absolutely despise the word “y’all.” Then I went to Germany. And upon my return, I found English to be severly lacking in a plural form of “you.” So I unconsciously adopted “y’all” and have been using it ever since. Living in TX for two years didn’t help any, either!
You had me laughing hysterically, from the opening words! Bravo! This article shows much more depth and intelligence than the so-called research of Ms. Criss. She claims to be “a graduate with a dual degree in Early Childhood Elementary Education” but oddly enough doesn’t claim to be a teacher or early childhood educator.
If she were actually claiming to be a teacher I’d say that her writing sends up a huge red flag and would be concerned that, if she is in any way representative of today’s up & coming public school teachers, the kids are going to need remediation outside of school hours, for grammar & composition at the very least.
As it is, the article sounds as if it were written by a mediocre high school student who either hasn’t bothered to proofread or doesn’t know how. And a student who has never had a proper lesson in writing a research paper or a coherent essay, at that!
I don’t know if you noticed, but if you try to follow the link to see her “research” (there’s one in her computers in the classroom essay) it goes to a coupon site. I don’t know if it’s now defunct or what the problem is, but I got a 400 error when I tried to load the page. It does cause one to wonder whether her writings are a prank, or an attempt to drive traffic to a money making site….
Don’t worry about homeschooling! We’ll be fine, with or without Katie Criss
Ruby
PS Does anyone know how having a lock on your locker is a “character building event”?? I suppose having your locker rifled when the school is looking for drugs is memorable, or perhaps having something of value stolen from your locker. It just seemed like such an odd thing to pick up on….
Oh, but Ruby, these are the experiences which tie us together as a nation! Lockers and school buses and prom. I wonder what she would have to say about the South Carolina program which has lowered the drop out rate by sending some kids off to college? Where they don’t have school buses, proms or lockers?
But, yes this article is free content. Most people do it in hopes their writing gets picked up and posted all over the internet with back links to their site which is usually revenue driven. You will find some pretty cheesy articles about homeschooling which don’t sound like they are written by someone who even has kids let alone homeschools. When you follow the links, you generally find that they link to “parked” sites which are heavily monetized, often with no content but google ads.
Normally, I don’t mess with them, but I couldn’t pass this one up.
> In an institution goals are made to make sure that the material being taught is bias free.
Yeah, right. Let go of the crack pipe, lady, the jig’s up!!