Via Mom is Teaching, I found an interesting blog: Homeschooled, but all grown up. (When you click on the link, you will get a Content Warning from Blogger. There is no need to be concerned and you won’t be confronted by offensive pictures or language. I read every entry and there is no cause for the warning.)
In it, Dana is working through her thoughts about her homeschool experience which was not altogether positive. She began her blog in response to the Colorado Springs Independent’s series on homeschooling:
A couple of posters indicated that it doesn’t take much to understand the homeschool experience. So I decided that I would write a bit about what it was “really” like to be homeschooled and what it is like to live in the adult world coming from a homeschool background.
It is an interesting task for one person to attempt to take on. An impossible one, actually. The most she can hope for is to write what it was like for her to be homeschooled. In a conservative, religiously isolating environment which appears to eclipse even my conservative, Christian home.
We read books on comebacks for Mormon’s and Jehovah Witnesses and Atheists. We truly BELIEVED that Y2K might be the second coming. I spend most of my childhood in front of the television watching stories on the history channel and discovery channel about the end of the world, Nostradamus and the Bible’s secret code. We attended church, sometimes more than once a week and went to confession often (usually as a form of punishment). We scorned social services, teachers, government controlled education, abortion, gays, poor people, people of color and anyone else considered immoral.
The first thing that stands out to me in reading over her entries is that even in this restrictive environment, she was still able to grow up to have very different opinions from her family.
The question I cannot help but ask, however, is how much the difficulties she explores in her entries really has to do with homeschooling. After all, she likely would not have fit in very well in school if this is the sort of activities her family expected her to engage in after school. Judging purely from blog posts, it sounds to me more of an exploration of the results of growing up in a family out of balance than of growing up homeschooled.
Long ago, they [her parents] learned the foundation had cracked and it would take long hours and expertise and money to fix. Instead, they invested their money in slap on construction–a new bedroom here, a new bathroom there, and a whirlpool tub.
This is some kind of great metaphor of my life. On the outside, some families seem so together. The smiles, the well dressed and well behaved children, the schoolroom with the world map and the books on the bookshelves and the chalkboard.
But if the foundation is weak–or worse, broken, no amount of renovation will help. You can’t hide a cracked foundation.
And this, of course, would be true regardless of how her parents had educated her and her siblings. If the foundation is cracked, it will not be fixed by sending children off to school. This is just a random thought, but barring actual abuse, I wonder if the resulting division between the school and home experience might not cause more difficulties in the child. I don’t know why, but it reminds me of Stephen King’s Carrie.
It is the family, not the school system, that serves as the foundation of a child’s life and even of society as a whole. When families are dysfunctional, out of balance or otherwise “cracked,” the effects cannot so easily be repaired. Even the most excellent of teachers cannot so easily repair the damage because their renovations are only superficial.
As a homeschooling family, it is our desire to set a firm foundation for our children. Which starts with becoming a stronger family, not with the choice to homeschool. Perhaps Dana’s family made a mistake, but I think its roots go far deeper than the decision to homeschool.
[tags]homeschool, homeschooling, parenting[/tags]
I have to agree with you. I came from a family that was similar to hers. However, I went to public school. The main difference between us was that I didn’t fit in at school.
My parents homeschooled my baby sister from 6th grade on. She actually had a much easier time adjusting than either my two brothers or myself had.
I have often said that children who will be outcasts (an oft heard argument against homeschooling by the establishment) because of family beliefs will most likely be outcasts whether homeschooled or public/private schooled.
I think she just reinforces my feelings that homeschooling works for some and not for others, that some are “qualified” to homeschool and some simply are not, even if that word bothers many in the community.
But your point that is is broken/dysfunctional type family seems to contribute more here than anything ( I do see teaching methods though that I believe contribute as well.)
Yet nothing bothers me more than having the homeschooling community insist that homeschooling is the ONLY means of a true education, the ONLY means of truly nurturing and guiding our children, and one of the BEST means of maintaining our liberties, morals and parental rights.
It just isn’t so for some families.
I don’t think that homeschooling is the only option, but I do think there are issues here that are irrelevant to homeschooling. And that likely would have been the same even had she gone to school.
This isn’t a picture of what it is “really” like to be homeschooled…just what it was like for her to be homeschooled in her family.
I see homeschooling as a lifestyle that we’ve taken on. Not just about education, but about taking charge of important decisions in our family life.
I didn’t understand that until I had some homeschooling years under my belt. Where I really felt that I was our family authority. At the same time, I got more comfortable understanding the different ways my kids learn or observe. It all sort of melded together.
I don’t know about whether all can homeschool. But I have seen where parents (and kids) considered non-(themselves and ‘experts’), were shown how they could take charge of education and lives and just fly. All they needed to know was that authority and experts can be questioned when they don’t really know much about a family’s life.
Hope this makes sense.
I responded to a couple of posts on her blog. I was especially interested in the one about ’super genius’ kids and child abuse, because I experienced the same pressures in a public school setting. I was viewed by my peers as weird for being smart, I was guilted into one competition after another (Rah-Rah-Sisboombah-School Spirit and all that), and I became one burnt out little kid, retreating into academic mediocrity, reading novels in class, and skipping out to go to the movies. I still graduated with a 3.95- hey, I wasn’t stupid enough to not want to get into a decent college.
I agree, Dana- she is blogging about her personal experiences, and cannot speak for most homeschoolers. IMO she is bitter and resentful about her family dynamic. Isn’t that the plot of about 400 movies and the premise for several talk shows? Were they all homeschooled? I think not.
Shawna- I believe that the home education method is the most efficient and effective way to educate children, but just as using a hammer is the best way to drive a nail, it isn’t the hammer’s fault if I use it to cave in someone’s cranium. But I know what you mean- I think it is the sanctimonious tone that some HSers use that turns people off.
**Shawna- I believe that the home education method is the most efficient and effective way to educate children, but just as using a hammer is the best way to drive a nail, it isn’t the hammer’s fault if I use it to cave in someone’s cranium. But I know what you mean- I think it is the sanctimonious tone that some HSers use that turns people off.**
Correct! And scares some from even trying when they truly are interested.
And yes Dana, I do realize this is merely her experience and tells a lot more about her family dynamics than homeschooling, but it still reinforces my thoughts that not all families are best served by homeschooling.
I don’t find public school to be public enemy #1–I just don’t. I do think it is greatly off course, intrusive, broken in many ways… but even with that it might serve some better than homeschooling, especially if the family is more off course, more intrusive and more broken than the public school system being offered. As seems was this girl’s situation.
The only person I’m santimonious to about homeschooling (In person, that is. My blog’s another thing.) is a lady at church who keeps trying to convince me to send my children to school. She’s a public school teacher.
I must admit I rather enjoy it.
For the most part, I think she does a fair enough job trying to be fair. This is what she grew up in and it is a danger she sees in homeschooling. Fair enough.
Shawna, you said:
I think she just reinforces my feelings that homeschooling works for some and not for others, that some are “qualified” to homeschool and some simply are not, even if that word bothers many in the community.
I have mixed feelings about this. I think all parents are, by nature of being parents, “qualified” to homeschool. Meaning that if one truly understands that the parent possesses the educational authority, and has the best interests in the child at heart, other factors should not be presented as a barrier.
I am not talking about abuse (just to be clear), and I don’t even know in this case. I don’t see where sending the kids to school would have really changed anything, really. The family still would have been that perfect exterior on a cracked foundation.
Perhaps, as Kristina noted, this could have actually made adjusting more difficult.
What I do feel strongly about is that families need to realize that they bear the responsibility for their child’s education. That does not mean homeschool them. It means taking responsibility…following up with teachers, knowing what the child should be learning, enforcing homework, standing up for the child in the system when necessary, etc.
If all parents saw education as their responsibility, one which they are free to enlist the help of others to obtain (through the private or public options), I think we would not have the problems we have in our schools today. Because most of our nation’s education problems are not with funding or teacher training, but with societal factors.
An interesting phenomenon of life onboard a submarine is that sailors get used to the rancid smell of manufactured air while submerged. It has an oily, nasty odor. After a few weeks submerged, a sailor will exit their boat and discover that fresh air smells bad. Once re-acclimated to the scent of clean, fresh air, they will discover that their uniforms reek horribly. It is almost impossible to remove the smell. The normal becomes abnormal, and then has to be reversed.
As a public school teacher, I made dozens of phone calls to parents to discuss their child’s failing grades. Many times the answer I received was, “What do you want me to do about it?” As a private school teacher, I held hundreds of face-to-face parent-teacher meetings to discuss their child’s successes and failures. I came to the conclusion that there is no state or federal program, nor any amount of money that can be spent, that can fix the problems facing education today. The single biggest problem facing education today is good parenting, and good parenting cannot be legislated. So I agree with you when you wrote, “It is the family, not the school system, that serves as the foundation of a child’s life and even of society as a whole. When families are dysfunctional, out of balance or otherwise “cracked,” the effects cannot so easily be repaired. Even the most excellent of teachers cannot so easily repair the damage because their renovations are only superficial.” That is what the Nebraska Youth Minister fails to see when he sees home schooled children who look, to him, as lacking social skills. He sees, as the norm, the hundreds of children who populate a failing public school system. Next to these children, healthy home schooled children look abnormal. The normal becomes abnormal. Can it be reversed?
I noticed she moderates her comments and has been flagged. I have a friend who’s a native, single, homeschooling mom who shut down her blog because she was getting email and comments from good Christian folk who had nothing but hateful things to say to her.
I wonder if that blogger has been flagged by those same folk and has had to moderate because of those same folk?
Anyhow, thanks for the link Dana. I think we need to here from those who’ve been homeschooled, even if their experiences don’t reflect our own.
Possible, Dawn. But there certainly are “worse” blogs out there that people could flag…and she hasn’t been out there all that long.
I know another blog that had that happen and they thought it was someone flagging them just to spite them. It turned out to be an error with Blogger, however, and no one had done anything.
Since she hasn’t published any comments, I am wondering if she is not going to…or if she has taken a break since it has been a couple of weeks since she has been active.
I think her blog said that she’s a graduate student- perhaps she’s away on Spring Break?
It’s also possible that she’s having computer problems as that happened to me when our family’s laptop crashed & I wasn’t able to blog for several weeks.
I wondered about her blog being tagged, but as I pointed out in one of my yet-to-be-approved comments (which were all, btw, very respectful, and I cut&paste a copy into Word just in case she didn’t approve them) her depiction of ALL homeschoolers as religious fanatic wackjobs doesn’t sit any better with atheist and agnostic hsers than it does any other group.
Hi all,
I’m glad my blog is starting to generate discussion. I have been really busy with graduate school and normal family stuff, but have started to post again. I marked my own blog as controversial. I’m conscious that the nature of my blog may not be appropriate or welcome for young kids searching the web on the topic and I wanted to make sure there was a warning so parents could make that decision themselves. Also, I misspelled my e-mail address so I didn’t realize I was getting comments! But I’ve since rectified that so comments should start to appear.
Also, and what I think is the biggest struggle for me about writing this blog, is that I have found (in my own personal life experience) that it is very hard to express the experiences I have had (and what I observe to be hallmarks of a larger social process) without sounding bitter! Also, and it is unfortunate–when I do express any negative opinions about the practice to proponents of the movement, I’m automatically labeled as “unique” or coming from some kind of severely disturbed environment. Neither of which I believe to be true! Don’t get me wrong, we all have unique experiences in education, but I also went to public school and fit in just fine. I, for the most part, excelled at homeschooling, more so than even some of my siblings. I guess the whole point of the blog is to show that within my unique experience there are some commonalities between homeschooling (religious or not I would argue).
Blogging is new to me and I’m finding a great way to work through these thoughts, feelings and ideas. I hope you will all continue to give feedback!
Thanks!
~Dana
Dana, thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! And especially for clarifying the issue with the blog being flagged. : )
I am interested in your further thoughts and always enjoy the discussion.
From Dana’s blog:
This blog is about my personal experiences growing up as a homeschooler. I talk about the political and religious motivations for homeschooling. What homeschooling was like “on the inside.”
I think it is great to have input from an adult who was home educated- it seems we are just now beginning to hear from those who were on the student end of that equation.
What I would like to point out is that one can only speak from one’s perceptions and experiences. One cannot speak for the whole, as there are too many individuals that make up that whole. Home education is not a system accountable to meet any certain standards, and by golly, let’s keep it that way. I have no desire to fit into someone else’s mold.
Dana- I think your experiences, while not ‘unique’ in the sense that no one else on the planet has had those experiences, but that they cannot be the measure of home education overall. Just as I had awful public and private school experiences, I know folks who loved everything about going to school, and thrived in that environment. Those are also the people whose parents were lovingly involved in every aspect of their child’s life- talking to teachers, at every activity and event- and IMO parents are usually the ones who make or break a child’s education.
I know some homeschooled adults who had a wonderful experience, and can’t wait to home educate their own kids, or are already in the process. Other than the article on the Indy website, I haven’t met any homeschooler-as-adult who hated being homeschooled. I have a 19 year old boy in the military who thanks me all the time for homeschooling him. Am I the one who is unique? I think not.
I agree that it is difficult not to sound bitter, and I don’t have a problem with someone expressing regret and displeasure about events of the past- my only objection to any post on your blog is the broad brush approach- that what was true for you somehow must be true for many or most homeschoolers. And that is simply not so. There are just too many variables- from the family dynamic to geographical location to choice of curriculum and activities for any of us to say that Our Homeschool is The Typical Homeschool.