Sixteen year old Victoria Lindsay apparently posted some things to her MySpace account about her classmates that weren’t very nice. This “cyberbullying” left the virtual world when the “victims” showed up at her house and took turns beating her up. For the camera since they intended on posting the entire ordeal to YouTube.
According to her family, Victoria has a concussion, hearing loss, blurred vision and a lot of bruising. They have determined to homeschool for the remainder of the school year.
“How can she go back and be victimized, because she’s going to hear the talk,” Talisa Lindsay said. “Right now she still has a lot of bruising to her face. How can she go back and feel all that humiliation again?” TBO.com
The perception of homeschooling brought forth in the comment box is interesting. Some excerpts (emphasis mine):
Don’t attempt to raise someone so thin skinned that they cannot deal with life. It is important to get back on the horse…At any rate, teaching your daughter that hiding is a solution to dealing with what makes her uncomefortable [sic] is not a good thing. RobKay
Hopefully she can attend public school again next year and stop hiding. denmar
And these two really bothered me.
While it is a serious crime that was perpetrated upon the daughter, Ms. Lindsay would better serve her daughter by helping her overcome the trauma and develop some resiliency, rather than condemning her to a life of victimhood. texigator
Anyway, Mom needs to help her daughter sort through this, find her way and be strong, not retreat and be victimized emotionally by letting it keep her from going to school/college etc. nikita0229
Homeschooling will condemn her to a life of victimhood? This situation is a little beyond merely “uncomfortable.” And I cannot help but think that the best way to help her through the trauma and “develop some resiliency” is to shelter her for a time. Returning too soon…before she is emotionally ready…would likely do more to cause lifetime “victimhood” issues than would bringing her home to heal physically and emotionally.
Officials are still debating the fate of Northern Illinois University’s Cole Hall, the site of this year’s Valentine’s Day shooting which left five dead. Many want to see it torn down, others want a memorial and others think that changing it is “giving in to the gunman.” But classes still haven’t resumed in the building, nor are they likely to in the near future.
Victoria Lindsay’s attack did not happen at school, but the social milieu in which it occurred is very much a part of that school. I am not saying she should never go back, but she needs to be able to put to rest what happened first. First comes the healing. Then the determination of how to handle returning to school.
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Dana, this came in my Google Alerts. I read all those comments too; they kind of annoyed me. But what really got me shaking my head was the response of the one attacker’s mother. She essentially defended her daughter’s action and blamed the victim! All eight of these kids will be charged as adults with battery and kidnapping. If found guilty, they face life in prison. Some of these girls are younger than Marissa. The whole thing breaks my heart.
I read through the comments- yikes. Let’s be real- gossip and verbal back-stabbing have been around since the invention of the clothesline, but being brutally assaulted is not a proportionate response.
I can understand the family wanting to homeschool after this. ‘School’ is supposed to be about the pursuit of knowledge and academic excellence- which obviously are not rewarded or encouraged in a typical school setting. And has someone mentioned the ‘S-word’ yet? ‘Cause I’d like to know why proper socialization in schools is not brought up when these incidents occur.;)
It’s all the preparation v protection approaches to childrearing. Most people in our society go the preparation route - hence the stranger danger talks to 5-year-olds, the “classes” on how to be a latch-key kid - rather than protecting our young when they need to be protected. The joke is, homeschoolers tend to protect our kids more than others do when they are elementary-aged and younger; yet we are also willing to make them independent sooner when they are teens. Maybe because we know them so well and trust them. Whereas, the schooled kids are forced to be “independent” and “resilient” at a young age; yet they are practically babysat in institutional settings as teens when they should be becoming more independent.
Gross over-simplification, but you know what I mean…
What a terrible situation! I too am disturbed by the implication that homeschooling after this assault (or anything) is in some way “hiding” from a situation, life, responsibilities, etc.
I really like the comment from suburbancorrespondent ^^ I’d never thought of it in that way, but there is a ton of truth to that!
So, if I’m mugged at a gas station at 2am and beaten to a bloody pulp, I should go back to that gas station at 2am again as soon as possible so that I don’t become scared of being out at gas stations at 2am?
Or should I realize that being at a poorly lit, obviously unsafe place at 2 in the morning may not be in my best interest and fill up during daylight hours?
Hmmm.
Yes, it is heartbreaking. And when parents do that, you can’t help but think that is why their children behave that way.
See- that’s the difference between child violence and adult violence- kids are often excused for assault, sexual and otherwise, because being bullied is a ‘normal’ experience that they just have to learn to deal with- it’s kids being kids. Whereas an adult can prosecute for the exact same offense. When are we going to teach kids that certain behaviors are not acceptable? Is there an age of accountability? A statute of limitations?
Little children especially should stay home and be parented until they understand appropriate behaviors. I don’t think little boys who chase girls down to pull up their shirts or dresses and kiss them is particularly cute. Why is it OK at 5 years old and date rape at 15?
The victim was unwise to post her thoughts and feelings on the internet, but there were too many commenters on that article who felt that she brought this on herself. They must be part of the “If you don’t want to be raped don’t wear a short skirt” crowd.
Dana, I’m concerned by these comments, too. I’m a fan of homeschooling, but at the same time, your movtives for homeschooling need to be pure, just as in anything else you do. Homeschooling should not be in response to something like this, in my opinion. The motive for homeschooling should be to provide the best possible education for your child. If this is their motive, then great.
In general, I agree. But the family stated wanting to homeschool through the rest of the school year. That is less than two months, I think. It seems entirely appropriate to take that time to recover physically and emotionally if the youth is wanting to do this.
Because the average American doesn’t understand that socialization is the process by which one learns to live in and engage in their culture ~ you know a productive, ethical members of society. Most Americans think it is about kids having the right to hang out with their peers. And, in a way, what most Americans think is a twisted, simplified version of what I feel a lot of the thinking elite are saying. These great minds understand what socialization is. But, apparently our children are born innocent and untainted by the devastating effects of religion and moralism. We can create a better world if we allow children to define their own cultural world, without the negative influence of their parent’s generation.
Lately there have been a lot of stories in the news that I think should make us question how we are socializing are kids. But, the mainstream media prefers to focus their efforts only on the minority of kids that are home educated. After all there couldn’t be anything wrong with the “normal” socialization that is occuring in public schools.
I think a guy named Golding wrote a book about children in a totally organic and natural social situation.
Some folks are so rah-rah-sis-boom-bah about all that is ‘natural’ and ‘organic’ (and I believe in healthy, btw) but they still have flush toilets and dishwashers.
Childhood is a treasured time of innocence and awakening, but there is nothing ideal or romantic about children left to themselves, unguided by those with the wisdom that comes from experience. Much of what I hear from the educational elite is plastic banana nonsense that sounds lovely on paper but does not translate to real life, which is where most of us reside.
I suspect from all I’ve read that kids were out of bounds on all sides of this arrangement. I do wonder how successful homeschooling will be if the parents and this teen are at odds with each other already.
I can’t believe that! Very interesting post. Thanks for sharing.
That video sickened me. I wanted to cry and I asked out loud, “What is happenening to our kids!”
The same night I saw a clip of a student who attacked her teacher in class while being egged on by her classmates. The principal stated the teacher did egg her on simply by telling the student to back out of her personal space and that she would defend herself. What???? The teacher is at fault????
Kids seem to have no regard for anything these days. No respect. No integrity. They seem to feel entitled and privileged. Is this what we have done to our kids as a society? I don’t think I will ever send my child back into that when there are alternatives.
As far as the student you mention–would any of us return to a work place in which such a brutal attack took place? More than likely would would be put on disability for emotional distress and allowed to stay at home… at least that is what happened to a colleague who was a bank teller and had a man come to her and ask for money while he was holding a gun… no physical assault to her at all.
The attitudes of these commentors might explain some of what goes on in the minds of these young people!
This whole thing just makes me sick… young people attacking other young people, in groups, and memorializing it on camera! The fame they want, the recognition… not concern for human life or dignity, no concern for right and wrong… no thinking beyond the moment!
“See- that’s the difference between child violence and adult violence- kids are often excused for assault, sexual and otherwise, because being bullied is a ‘normal’ experience that they just have to learn to deal with- it’s kids being kids. Whereas an adult can prosecute for the exact same offense. When are we going to teach kids that certain behaviors are not acceptable? Is there an age of accountability? A statute of limitations?”
Great idea, and we could stop bullying and hitting kids ourselves then: National Spank Out Day coming April 30.
What (or who) defines a pure motive for homeschooling? In what way would this decision to homeschool, whether temporary or for an extended period, be considered based on impure motives?
Nice to see you back. I’m going to have to dig through your blog later because you had a link awhile back I wanted to look at. Been too busy of late.
I tend to agree, but I don’t know enough to feel comfortable saying that this family shouldn’t homeschool. Their daughter was clearly out of line with her online comments, but that doesn’t justify being confined and beaten for the cameras.
Assuming she has requested staying home, maybe it will give them the opportunity to heal more as a family.
But to be clear, I say that knowing as good as nothing about the family. It may be fully irrelevant to the actual situation.
I doubt this family is going to be homeschooling by any sense of the word that any of us would understand it; I’ll wager they will simply be overseeing her studies as a “homebound” public schooled student. It’s a stop gap measure to see out the school year. I wonder what they’ll decide in the long run; that would make the whole discussion more relevant.
Haveing been through the very same ordeal, I can assure you Mom and Dad are still in shock and will need time to come to the best decision for the entire family. With one son in the hospital We decided to send our boys back to school. However the school system felt strongly that a normal school experiance was not possible so the boys went to school out of toewn at a private school that could help them through a tough time. Their brother 15 eventually died from his beating. 1995
I am very sorry to hear that, William. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
I don’t know how to take part in a day that calls for me to not abuse my child when I don’t abuse my child, by hey- more power to ya’.
But in this case, the girl was not being spanked by parents, but beaten senseless by her peers. From the comments on the articles, it seems one of the moms has a rather nasty MySpace page. I don’t plan on looking at it, just as I didn’t watch the video of the beating, but parents should definitely model the kinds of behavior they desire in their children. A college professor used to say that what parents do in moderation, children will tend to do in excess. I have seen this illustrated IRL more times than I care to remember.
I hope that the time the Lindsay family spends at home results in healing for all of them, as well as an increase in the amount and quality of their communcations.
With hearing loss and blurred vision she might not be able to function properly in a public school environment anyway.
I agree that sometimes the best way to help a child overcome the problems is to shelter them for awhile. That goes for small children as well as teenagers! I applaud the parents willingness to do that, and I think the school should backing them up!!!
I agree with the above commenter who noted that homeschoolers shelter their children but then allow them more independence as they get into their teens. Interesting phenomenon that homeschoolers are more often more willing to help their children get into “real” life.
As a mom who recently withdrew her daughter from middle school because of the ‘Queen Bees and Wannabees’ bullying that went on during PE class….and currently has her daughter in therapy to work through the unresolved sense of injustice that ensued with this particular case….this post hit home. Just yesterday I spoke with the therapist about how taking her out of school was not an effort to hide her away but a way to minimize the collateral damage. Homeschooling her affords me the opportunity to provide a safe environment - which as a therapist myself - I know is key to recovery of any kind - whether it be bullying/abuse/etc. while we sort through how best to heal.
Thanks Dana, been quite busy myself with some messy family estate matters, after I unexpectedly found myself named in an old will to handle everything for an ex-brother-in-law. So everyone, right now! Go make sure you’ve provided carefully for your children’s future as you would wish, in case something should happen to you!
Stop reading and DO IT –
Hi Sunniemom, I think most of the MADD members aren’t drinking and driving either.
The point of National Spank Out Day of course, is to raise awareness in the rest of society.
That’s what I am confused about- are there T-shirts? A potluck dinner? A chant I need to memorize or a support group to attend? :p At least MADD has meetings. With food.
Seriously? But what’s the point of food if not to soak up the alcohol??
In my local paper last week, there was this glowing review of a new video game called “Bully: Scholarship Edition” that I found absolutely appalling. Apparently, the point of the game is for the protagonist to go around beating up classmates. It’s got a “Teen” rating so anyone can buy it, not just adults
What is wrong with our culture today?
Thrilling. Just the kind of thing we want to glorify.
In order for a child to learn they have to feel safe and healthy. At the moment, this poor girl can’t feel either. How could she be expected to go back? If I got the crap beat out of me at work, I would not return to the job. Why are we forcing our kids? And then we act shocked when this failed babysitting experience goes terribly wrong. Everytime there is a school shooting, the shooter gets press and speculation. More lost, confused, suicidal kids, looking for a purpose in killing themselves sees the the glory the shooter got, and they become a shooter. Just like in this case, they blame the girl who was beaten, and her parents for not sending her back out to be harmed again? Our society has become so upside down.