I have to say that my experience as a teacher and even a parent reconciles a bit with these immigrant families–I do see it as part of American Youth Culture. I have written about and do believe that we have become a culture that has placed our children on pedestals… and they know it and often take advantage of it.

I taught in a primarily Jewish District (not that it matters–just to paint the picture) and many kids, usually troubled (getting back to your better points) knew that they had their parents over a barrel and could call CPS or go to school counselors when they were punished in away that they felt slighted.

My son had a friend (this was when they were in early elementary school) whom mouthed off to mom fairly badly when mom was trying to get her up for school one morning and mom reacted by with a slap across the mouth for it. This left a mark for a couple of hours and the school called the authorities and charges were pressed… and eventually dropped when the Judge heard what words came from the young girl’s mouth.

These kids know that parents do not want the problems of CPS and so some of them exploit that. Now the young girl above didn’t know mom would get in trouble–but she learned real quick in that instance, however most of the older kids do know… in fact, they used to talk about it, laugh about it in their small groups… and this was an affluent campus with good families and involved parents.

I can only imagine what immigrant children are learning from these American children… and then what these immigrant children are telling mom and dad, whom rely on their children to help decipher this new world, this new culture.

I don’t know, but I like your idea of informing the immigrant parents of new discipline techniques… maybe the churches could do that, as many immigrants will try to find a church of their faith and cultural background for familiarity and community.

But other than the amount of money put into it, I don’t know how uniquely American it is for teenagers to draw away from their parents.

I felt bad at how helpless these parents feel, but the issues raised are serious and well beyond declining Ukrainian foods and enjoying American movies. Their behavior is well outside the norm, and interestingly, their model appears to be the Russian mafia. So they have brought a little of “home” to American shores.

Some days I get so tempted just to pack our family up and move to a cabin in the wilderness somewhere…

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Do you think there is a difference between control and discipline? In my mind, control is more external, and that will not be enough to help a child resist what is harmful in society. Discipline implies heart training to me, because the root is discipleship.

My goal isn’t to control my children, but to teach them to control themselves. Living in fear would definitely affect that process though.