So Much Straw recently addressed one of my deepest fears as a homeschooling parent, and one I have heard echoed in many conversations with other homeschoolers.

What if it doesn’t work?

We all want what is best for our children.  We’ve made the sacrifice to educate them at home.  Others make the financial sacrifice to send their children to private school.  And many live in houses well beyond their means with scarcely any furniture in order to live in the right district.  Wrapped up in the decisions we make regarding education are all of our hopes for our children’s futures, from knowledge to careers, from income to character.  We want what is best for them and routinely make genuine sacrifices to give them the best start possible.  But still…

What if it isn’t enough?

There are no guarantees in parenting.  But to have a child turn around and blame you, your best intentions and your hardest work for their problems?

My dear daughter is obsessed with getting back to her social life. Her social life, and all the anxiety and obsession that come with being a “modern” teen in a non-Christian setting, was one of the things that launched her into an eating disorder. Yet just a few short months ago, she was so THANKFUL I had homeschooled her, and she hadn’t had to deal with the hell of middle school.

The problem is, what child does not blame their parents for their problems?  And what parent doesn’t hear the accusations of “It’s not fair!” and “But her parents…” and think of all the mistakes he or she made?

What about all the times:

• I lost my temper?
• Didn’t have time?
• Was distracted by other things?
• Didn’t take the “little” problems of the day seriously enough?

Of course, no parent is perfect, but it is easy to think of our own shortcomings and blame ourselves when our children are confronted by obstacles, make wrong choices or otherwise struggles in ways we would prefer them not to.

I used to think this was a peculiarity of the homeschool movement.  There are so many promises out there that if you follow this curriculum, this program, this philosophy, your children will not turn away.  But then I heard an advertisement for “The Total Transformation” and realized this message is everywhere.

Because in our hearts, we want to believe it.  We want to believe that if we just tried a little harder, did things a little differently and followed just the right program our children would have the better life we would like to lay out for them.

Sometimes I remind myself that even in the Garden, with a perfect parent and a perfect environment, Adam and Eve still chose the wrong path.  Even with God himself warning that sin was knocking at his door, Cain committed a horrific crime.  Even after walking with Jesus for three years, the disciples fled the evening Christ was taken.

This isn’t to say that I shouldn’t strive to be a better parent, or that we don’t have a definite positive (and negative) effect on the lives our children will one day lead.  But it reminds me of just that…I am preparing them to lead their life.  They cannot lead the life I choose for them, even if all sense and reason would show that my way is better.  I cannot force them to make good choices or create a safety net so strong that they never feel the pain of being pushed back or held down from their goals.

I can only help them build a foundation to stand upon, and hope that helps them to weather the storms of life.

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The Homeschool Blog Awards are open for voting.  When I checked the Current Events, Opinion or Politics category, I was so far ahead in the polling I’m not sure why everyone else hadn’t already conceded.  Maybe they were hoping more than four people would vote?  Happy voting!

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