I am not sure whether this is more a story about a journalist overstepping his bounds or a mom who reads too many negative stories about the media. . .and their negative stories about homeschooling.
I occasionally let my six year old son take his dog, a lab mix, for a walk. He walks a block and a half to the corner and back, kicking rocks and poking in the dirt all along the way. If there is a good puddle to splash in, he will come back wet.
On the day in question, my son came back excited about all the activity going on at the church. Apparently they were having some sort of party or something down there, and Bear hung out awhile to watch.
And I got my picture taken!
He announced. Suddenly my feigned interest in what he was describing turned to real, genuine interest. Who was taking pictures of my boy? And why?
Bear, you’re not supposed to talk to strangers. Or let them take your picture.
And this is where my “it’s probably nothing” turned to genuine concern.
I know mom. I told him that. But he said it was ok because he was a good guy.
Good guys don’t tell kids it is ok to disobey their parents. They say things like “You have a smart mommy.” And if they really need a picture for some reason, they ask the child to go get mommy.
Oh, and he gave me this.
“This” was a business card for a journalist at the local paper. A very local paper. One that mostly “employs” (I don’t think they pay) high school and college kids to do local stories on things like Mr. Crackpot’s collapsing barn, Mrs. Gardeners new apple tree and the church activities of the area.
So most likely it was some kid who just wasn’t thinking. But every other time my children have been photographed for a paper, magazine or television show, I had to fill out a form granting my permission. Even when I was the one sending in the photo. I suppose that is why he gave my son a business card. He was probably assuming I’d be thrilled to have my son in the paper.
Instead, I was a little closer to making the “Who on earth do you think you are?” sort of phone call.
But then I was sure that somehow, this formerly inconspicuous little homeschool mom would end up on the front page. And all three thousand readers would just know I must be crazy. After all, we homeschool. And I’d prefer any contact with the media to start off a little more positive.
So maybe a polite letter to the editor would be more appropriate?
I’d phone instead of writing as if it were for publication, actually speak with the editor, and have a positive (non-litigious) chat.
Not planning any litigation. Or being particularly litigious.
I’m a nice person even when I am upset (and I’m actually not upset anymore anyway).
Studies have shown that despite the whole “stranger danger” talks, kids are trusting and will often go with adults who seem to be in authority. It would just be nice if, in that rare case it comes up, if the “good guys” would reinforce how important it is not to do anything with a stranger without a parent or other trusted person knowing what is going on.
If it was a high school student or a college kid they probably didn’t realize they were doing anything wrong.
That’s what I’m thinking, Alasandra. I would just let it go, but I think maybe they should know how weird it is from the other side…when you are thinking more about teaching your child how to be safe than their story or whatever they’re working on.
They should know and if they don’t know it should be part of what they are learning in the apprenticeship they are doing at the local throwaway. I’d make a friendly call to the editor.
Nance
I’d call, too. So now you have to because I’m influential in your life. Ha!
The journalists need to know they need parent’s permission to take and publish photos of children. You could offer to give permission since it wasn’t asked. (or is that too devious?)
I wonder if standards are changing in this era of everyone having a cell phone in public that does video etc? Seriously, this hadn’t occurred to me but I do wonder — and what do we teach our kids about being the photographer instead of the subject, out in public?
I’m guessing that he was young and that is an interesting question. We are so casual about pictures and videos and a very public internet life. I wonder sometimes about these kids recording themselves and friends having, uh, intimate relations. It is a little much to slap them with a lifetime label, but who thinks to sit down and tell a young “tween” kid to not record and distribute these acts because they will be convicted the same as a child pornographer?
And I keep thinking…if he hadn’t given my son the business card or if my son had lost it, I would have called the police. Some strange man photographing my son? Creepy.
I’m glad at least that much got through to me so I know there wasn’t anything to it. And I guess I know I have a bit more to work on with my son.
JJ Ross,
That is a good question. I never publish pictures of other people’s children on my blog, but places like Facebook almost encourage it. One friend did put up a picture of my daughter, but she asked first. And what about churches publishing videos of children’s plays, etc.?
Drawing the lines might be different for each individual. I know I can’t finish sketching my own until after another cup of coffee or two.
I wasn’t even comfortable publishing my OWN kids’ photos online until very recently, now that they are 19 and almost 14, able to understand what it means to get it “out there” and never get it back again, and to consent or not.
Yes, I can understand that! We always have, mostly for family who live far away. And mostly my kids get upset if they think one of their siblings is getting more “air time” than they are, but I suppose that is the way kids are.
I read awhile back that, while “certain” people do amass large amounts of pictures of children, they usually do so with a good camera at a playground.
THAT freaked me out. And you start looking at those cell phones a little differently.
Favorite Daughter had a portrait last spring in a lovely garnet evening gown, strapless but classic and very formal, at her solo senior vocal recital. Age 18. She didn’t want it published.
But think of the fun in about 15 years when you can take down a congressional candidate with the “I Love Brittney Spears” web site he built when he was 18 years old
Speaking of which — did you see what Lynne found last night? It’s a whole blog of “awkward family photos” like this.
A number of years ago I was looking into a photography business, portraits and stock, so I researched legalities for the stock portion. If I remember correctly, photos taken for news publications don’t require the same legal releases as those taken for other publications. Can you imagine trying to get releases from people from some of the news photos you’ve seen of mobs, etc?
However, it would be wise for that newpaper to instruct their photographers that it is inappropriate to take photos of a child (or a person) who does not desire to have their photo taken. It is just rude!
I’d definitely call them to let them know your feelings and so that they can instruct their employees!
Kerry, you are right about that. What concerned me wasn’t the photo, but the “It’s ok, I’m a good guy” after my son told him he isn’t allowed to talk to strangers.
And JJ Ross, I just came across that blog yesterday somehow. Weird.
And COD, isn’t that the entire point of the internet? To “live out loud” and destroy any future anywhere? If not, maybe someone should talk to some of the teens and young adults I run into now and again.
Dana:
What concerned me wasn’t the photo, but the “It’s ok, I’m a good guy”. . .
I just had THAT thought this morning! I was watching a commercial on tv I’ve seen a hundred times, about the grown daughter who quits her job to go care for her senile mom and so she can’t pay off her credit card. So she says the credit company was so great and helped her and her mom, just wanted to make things right for them. Ri-i-ight.
It’s sponsored by the major credit cards, of course, logos shown briefly at end. But those aren’t the pictures with the power of story, nope, it’s all the family video in the kitchen, bedroom and on the beach that those great-guy credit card companies made possible — that’s the power.
So many lurking strangers poised to take advantage of our kids with the line, “it’s okay, I’m a good guy” for us to teach the kids to watch out for..
On the respecting their wishes part of this discussion: It does surprise me sometimes what some people will post, especially when they mock or otherwise deride their children. A lot of it depends on how you approach it.
And advertising…well that could be a blog of its own.
Yeah, I’d call and politely let the editor know the point you have–it is nice to have another adult back up some pretty basic rules. It isn’t like you had some obscure, weirdo rule that nobody else in society observes. Don’t talk to strangers is pretty standard fare.